Video Summary
How to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Children?
Introduction
In a world where emotional well-being is increasingly crucial, teaching children to understand and express their emotions is vital. Learn the impact of acknowledging and validating children’s emotions, fostering emotional literacy, and creating safe spaces for feelings.
The Importance of Acknowledging and Validating Children’s Emotions
- Just for a moment, what I’d like you to do is imagine that you’re four years old and you’re on the ground building a tower. You’re really proud of this tower that you’re building, and then the next minute, someone comes running along, kicks over your tower, and you are outraged. You feel hurt, panic, frustration, and helplessness. Just in that moment, an adult comes in, gets down low, and says, ‘Honey, what happened?’ You see compassion in their eyes, feel their calm and regulated presence, and all those feelings come bubbling out. The adult listens, doesn’t try to fix it, just lets you feel all that you’re feeling. Then they open their arms, you snuggle in, take a deep breath, and feel better. It’s like getting back to building your tower. Remember when you were four years old and felt angry, sad, scared, or confused? How did the adults in your life respond to you? If you were lucky, they gave you space to express your feelings and listened. But for many, it was the opposite - being told to stop, being punished, or even hit. This is important because it impacts mental health. With increasing psychological distress, it’s crucial to understand the imprints we received in childhood.
The Importance of Emotional Literacy in Parenting
- One of the key aspects in raising children is teaching them how to express their feelings and emotions. It is easy to jump to blaming our parents for how they handled our emotions during our childhood. However, the truth is that our parents were likely doing the best they could with the knowledge they had. The issue often lies in the lack of emotional literacy in our culture. Our society places more value on IQ than on emotional intelligence (EQ). Imagine if we were taught from the beginning that a child’s emotional well-being significantly impacts their adult mental health. The way we respond to children’s feelings and emotions, with empathy and compassion, is not adequately taught in our homes or schools. Over my 16 years of work with families, I have observed three common ways children learn to deal with emotions: repression, aggression, and dissociation. Repression occurs when a child learns that expressing feelings is unsafe and chooses to bury them deep within. This can lead to unresolved emotions resurfacing in adulthood, manifesting as coping mechanisms like excessive drinking or busyness. On the other hand, aggression may develop in children who feel powerless or grew up in authoritarian environments where their feelings were suppressed.
The Power of Expressing Emotions: Creating a Safe Space for Feelings
- As children, we often suppressed our emotions, letting them bubble inside us until they tipped over into aggression or rage. These tendencies could lead to being labeled as naughty or troublesome, when in reality, we were just responding to our environment. As adults, these aggression tendencies can manifest as bullying behavior, harsh self-criticism, or even violence. However, the key to emotional well-being lies in learning to express our feelings. When we grow up in an environment that accepts all our emotions without judgment, we learn to embrace our happy, sad, and angry moments without trying to ‘fix’ them. Instead, we acknowledge them, feel them, and then let them go. Creating a safe space for expressing emotions is essential for our emotional growth and mental health. It allows us to cope with challenging situations by journaling our thoughts, talking to friends, engaging in physical activities, or seeking professional help. By encouraging open communication and empathy towards our feelings, we can foster a healthy emotional environment both for ourselves and our loved ones.
The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Children
- As a parent, I often found myself in moments where my children needed me to simply listen to their feelings, whether they were tears of sadness or bursts of rage. Despite the hustle of everyday life, I noticed a remarkable development of emotional intelligence in my children. One evening, as I rushed to make dinner before a class, my youngest daughter, visibly upset, entered the kitchen. In a moment of desperation, I asked her to hold onto her feelings for a few hours. However, my ten-year-old daughter intervened and offered to listen to her sister. What unfolded behind the bedroom door was a beautiful display of empathy and compassion. My older daughter patiently listened as the younger one poured out her emotions, switching between tears, complaints, laughter, and finally, smiles. Witnessing this exchange, I realized the profound impact of demonstrating empathy and kindness to children. It dawned on me that children learn how to empathize and show compassion by observing and experiencing it firsthand. It made me wonder about the importance of equipping parents with the tools to listen compassionately to their children, fostering a generation of emotionally intelligent and empathetic individuals.
Fostering Emotional Well-being in Education
- Imagine a world where boys are encouraged to cry and be vulnerable, while girls are supported to rage and find their voice. Picture a place where harsh discipline is replaced with compassionate listening and loving boundaries. Envision an education system that prioritizes emotional well-being, where children feel safe to learn, free of judgment and criticism. This was the vision behind Woodline Primary School, a school set in the Geelong hinterland, focused on fostering emotional well-being in a safe learning environment. Research shows that creating a nurturing environment enhances children’s capacity for growth and learning. At Woodline, the aim is to not only educate children about the world but also to nurture critical life skills such as emotional intelligence, growth mindset, and compassion. By prioritizing children’s emotional well-being, learning becomes effortless and infinite, shaping them into compassionate citizens of the earth.
Conclusion
By prioritizing emotional intelligence in parenting and education, we can create a generation of empathetic and emotionally intelligent individuals. Fostering emotional well-being in children leads to a more compassionate society.